Send my love to heaven
by kitsune-lilith
Summary: There are things that people can't say, but it's better to take the risk than regret thay you never said it when you had the chance.


SEND MY LOVE TO HEAVEN.  
  
There are things that people can't say, but it's better to take the risk than regret that you never did when you had the chance.  
  
Disclaimer  
  
I got the story from a classmate, who got it from an email.I just can't help but picture Tomoyo when the author described the girl, so here I am destroying the story. But if you have the time, please read and review. I don't own Card Captor Sakura, but someday.I will! Bwahahahaha!!!! ;P  
  
Author's Notes  
  
I know I suck, and you hate me.but I keep on writing anyway. I'll continue Eyes on me when I get enough inspiration. Gomen.and thanks for understanding.  
  
Anyway, this is written in Eriol's point of view.  
  
Read and review!!! ^_^  
  
Let me tell you about the girl I loved since I was 10. You may think that 10 is a little early for someone to feel true love, but I did. I love the way she laughs at me whenever I make silly mistakes, the way she fusses over the smallest of things, and even the way she cries over those silly late night telenovelas. I love her for these and a million more. I love her for the simplest, silliest reasons.things that ordinary people may not see sufficient.But I love her because of all the things that make her.herself. Because without them, she is not Tomoyo Daidouji.  
  
She ws my best friend, and I have know her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, and knows me inside-out. I could tell her everything, except for the fact that I love her.  
  
I could still remember the first time we met, I was eight years old then. It was one windy afternoon in Tomoeda, and I had no one to play with because Syaoran's family moved out just a week ago.  
  
And so as I climbed up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street with a family station wagon not too far behind. It stopped at the newly built house 3 blocks from mine, and out came the loveliest girl I've ever seen. She had long curly hair which reached to her waist, a fair complexion, and a pair of amber eyes which could make any man lose his heart into them.  
  
I continued watching her when she suddenly looked up and saw me watching them from the tree house window. I was about to hide when she smiled and waved her hand. I smiled back at her, then watched in amazement as she ran towards the treehouse.  
  
So I went to the edge of the ladder and said "Would you like to come up?"  
  
"May I?"  
  
So I helped her climb up and when she reached the top, she turned to me and introduced herself, "By the way, my name is Tomoyo, what's yours?"  
  
"You can call me Eriol."  
  
"Eriol? I like your name.and your tree house is pretty neat!"  
  
"Thanks! My best friend Syaoran and I made this. This used to be out hide out, we used to goof around and do everything together, but he and his familly moved out last week and I kind of miss him."  
  
"Well, since I'm here, we could do the thing you used to do with Syaoran, and I could be your new best friend too. I never had a boy for a friend before so it's kind of exciting to have one. You could teach me how to play basketball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Well.that is if it's okay with you."  
  
"Sounds good to me!"  
  
Then she held out her hand and said "It's a deal then!"  
  
So that's how it all began.  
  
So we became best friends and it was kind of stange at first because she was a girl and there are things that I was a little bit hesitant to indulge her like cathing frogs, swimming in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried everything just to please me.  
  
There was even a time when she fell off her bike trying to catch up with me in a race, and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. Then there was this time when she hit the window of our neigbor while playing baseball. I was the one wo talked to Mr. Terada and promised to pay for the damage, which meant having to loose a weeks' allowance. But it was okay since she cooked lunch for me for the whole week so I wouldn't starve to death. I remember the time when I fell of the tree trying to rescue a little kitten, because Tomoyo was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fougt with the scholl bully when he teased Tomoyo and made her cry, and I ended up with a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Tomoyo crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well kiss. It was then I realized that I was doing things I never thought I would do for someone.  
  
We had a Saturday swin routine at the lake, and we would eat the food she prepared under the big oak tree afterwards. There was a special branch where the two of us could sit together and we could tell each other our dreams. She dreams of becoming a singer someday, and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs my dreams and pursuits, even thoug they seem so impossible, and sometimes a little absurd. That made me like her even more.  
  
As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case, or maybe infatuation. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought I was something different, something deeper. Thoughts of her made me feel strangely happy, and she became the reason that I want to become a better person, the reason to stay strong when the world gets rough, the reason to love life. Then I realized that I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.  
  
Many times I tried to deny the feeling, because I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try to tell her how I really feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I'm taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her, so I just kept my feelings hidden.  
  
When we reached the age of 15, I noticed that Tomoyo grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches whenever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her, giving compliments, letters, flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance with mixed feelings of anger and hurt, because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her.  
  
Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. But I proved that it was true when I saw them that aftenoon walking togther in the parking lot. I watched them as my heart slowly breaking into a million pieces. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the hearthrob of the campus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team, which Mark was the captain. There were no words to describe the pain that I felt that day.  
  
Those days that followed were the saddest days of my life. How my heart achesa when I see her walk pass me, with him at her side. Everytime we meet in the hallways and I see him around her, there's a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. She never had time for me anymore, and I was left all alone as he stole her away from me. It hurts to see that the girl I'm longing to have is now owned by somebody else. That special smile that was once meant only for me was now being casted upon him. He took her away from me.  
  
Then one faithful day, they broke up. She came to me crying on my shoulder. They had a big figh and it ended up to their break up. I was happy that they broke up and maybe I would have the chance of telling her my true feeligs for her, but then I also feel bad because she was cryingher heart out just for him. I was not quite sure of what to do back then.  
  
We just found ourselves doing what we did in the old days, with our Saturday swim routine and spending time inour treehouse. We still enjoyed doing childish pranks, for we are still both young at heart.  
  
There were so many chances of confessng my feelings for her but still I couldn't bring myself to her, for I was afraid of losing her once more. I already lost her once, and I couldn't afford losing her once more by telling her that I love her. Somehow, I was contented by having her back again.  
  
It was a week fromour JS Prom, we were seated at the branch of the oak tree, drying ourselves from the afternoon swim when she suddenly said "I was wondering if you would like to go to the prom with me."  
  
It took a while for her words to make sense, for it was just like how I dreamed, going to the prom with the girl I love, but I just had to make sure that it was for real. "I thought there were so many boys who would die to be your partner?"  
  
Then she turned away and whispered "I just thought that I would like to spend the night with my best friend." then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear "Wouldn't you want to die just like them to be my partner?"  
  
I was too stunned to speak. It wasn't a dream after all. She was asking me to go to the dance with her.  
  
"I'd love to."  
  
Then she smiled and kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy I felt that time. Now, it felt like a dream more than ever. I had to pinch my arm just to make sure. Then I saw her turn red and bow. Suddenly, she stood up and ran towards the water, saying "Last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!" I stood up and ran, but slowed down so that I would lose on purpose, which meant being with her for another 3 hours or more.  
  
Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entiere bottle of perfume. I nervously stayed in their living room as I talked to her mother, when I heard her say "How do I look?"  
  
I looked up to see her lovlier than ever in a strapless white gown which flattered her perfect figure. Her raven tresses flowed around her face which only made her more beautiful. I opened my mouth to say something, but could not find my voice. So instead I took her hand and shakily fastened the corsage around her wrist and whispered "To the loveliest girl in the world."  
  
When we arrived at the gymnasium, we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and gowns. I could see the angry stares of the boys that asked her to the prom, and the jealous glances of the girls, because I was with the mos beautiful girl that night. Then I held out her hand, bowed and said "Would you give me the honor of your first dance?" She chuckled and curtseyed. "I'd love to."  
  
It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I have ever loved. She was smiling up to me as we were moving in one gliding motion. I found myself lost as I stared down her amethyst eyes.  
  
There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell her that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she would always be the beacon fo light in my darknesss, but what I wanted to tell her the most, is that love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper in her ear, but suddenly the music stopped and the magic was gone.  
  
I came close to telling her.still I haven't done it.  
  
We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her is she wanted a drink, and she nodded in return, so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one, and when I came back, she was no longer there. I asked her friends if they knew where she was but no one knew, so went to search for her.  
  
As I was searching fir her, I reached the garden. There, I saw two silhouette figures outlined by the moon's silvery light. They were so close to each other. I could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress Tomoyo was wearing that night.  
  
I just turned and left the gymnasium.  
  
Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me, but I never gave her the chanc to do so. I was too afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark, not me. I would rather be left in ignorance of her true feelings for me, than to hear from her those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn't return her calls, and would not see her if she comes to our house, and I would go to the other direction if we meet in the hallways.  
  
It hurts to do those things, but then that was what I thought would be the best way to forget her.  
  
Those months were tormenting, but still I kept my pride.  
  
The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and without a word, handed me a rose. As she stared at me, there was something in her eyes that I couln't describe. There was sadness in them and the smile she gave me was not the same smile she usually has.  
  
I wanted to hug her at that moment. I knew that it was my last chance to tell her my true feelings. But then she turned and walked away.  
  
So I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the University. I concentrated on my studies, but thoughts of her still haunts me at night. I tried hard not to think of her, but I could not stoop myself from loving her. Each acheivement I have was for her. I thought that if I'll be sucessful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her, and by that time, I'm worthy of having her.  
  
It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her. During the past year, I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to fet to her house, to see and hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long time.  
  
This time, I am determined to let her know my true feelings and could not contain anymore the love I have for her.  
  
I reached their house, I saw her mother and approached her. I smiled at her but she didn't smile back. I was confused, but I asked her about Tomoyo anyway. All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly "Follow me."  
  
I was confused with the way she's acting but still I followed her. The walk was long and quiet, and she was not like the way she was before. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree Tomoyo and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Tomoyo gave me when I agreed to be her partner to the Prom. It's been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Tomoyo more than I thought.  
  
But today, those things will change.  
  
I will never leave her again.  
  
Never.  
  
Then, her mother stopped walking and pointed to the tree. "There she is."  
  
I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the only girl I have ever loved. I could not believe what I saw. I desperately tried to convince myself that this is all just a nightmare and that I would soon wake up.  
  
I stared at her mother in disbelief.eyes searching for explanations.  
  
"It has been a week since she died, because of leukemia. But even though she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here, for she always regarded this place as a place of love. She said that this was where she spent the happiest days of her life, and those were when she was with you."  
  
I still couldn't believe my eyes, nor the words I just heard.  
  
"By the way, she also asked me to give you this." She handed me a parcel and with that she left.  
  
I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it containd the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then I saw a letter dated last month.  
  
I opened it with shaking hands and started reading.  
  
Dearest Eriol,  
  
I know by the time you read this letter, I'm already gone. I just wanted to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful that I had a friend like you. But I wish that we could have been more than that.  
  
I have always loved you even from the start.  
  
It is the one thing that I couldn't tell you, the secret that I have kept all these years.  
  
I love you, not in a friendly way, but as the love I would feel towrds the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with.  
  
I guess it just grew more each day.that's why the happiest days of my life was when you were by my side. You just don't know how I dreamed of you every night, and wake up in the morning and dream no more, for you are with me.  
  
There are so many things that I did just to make you love me, but I never saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to fool myself that you're in love with me too. So many nights I cried when I find myself unloved by you.  
  
But you never loved me in return.  
  
Then there was Mark, and I gave him a chance. I wanted to be loved. So avoided you and tried to love him, but no matter what I do, no one can ever replace you in my heart. And so we broke up, and I came crying to you. I was crying not because he broke my heart, but because I know that you can never love someone like me. Then we were back to the way we used to be before. And somehow, being with you is enough to make me happy.  
  
When our Prom night came, you just don't know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and told me that I was the loveliest girl in the world. While we were dancing, I desperately wanted to hear you say that you love me, but you never did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn't want you to get the wrong impression so I told him I'd talk to him in the garden. He said that he knew that I don't love him, but he is willing to wait for me to learn to love him as well. But I could never do that, because I know that I will love only you.  
  
I came back to our table and found out that you were searching for me, and after a while, left the gymnasium. I just concluded that you saw me with Mark. The next day, I tried to explain, but you never gave me the chance to do so. I tried to call you, but you never answered. You completely avoided me since then,and you never knew how much pain I experienced that time. I felt the world crashing down on me.  
  
On our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I love you, but I never got the courage to do so. I could not bear to hear you say that all you feel for me is brotherly love, for I want you to love me as a woman, not as your best friend.  
  
So I just turned and walked away.  
  
You were the only person that I have ever loved in my entiere lifetime, and each time that you held me close was like a dream coming true. To feel your heart beating next to mine was heaven. And now that I'm finally going there, I'll bring these memories with me.  
  
But then, I wish that I told you these when I had the chance, because I know that if I wait for you to come back, it will be too late.  
  
Now, I know that saying I love you will not change anything, but still I want you to know that I will always love you, and that my heart has always been and will forever be yours alone.  
  
Always, Tomoyo  
  
P.S. Think of me sometimes.and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.  
  
I felt my tears falling as I folded her letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her more than anything in this world. I wanted to tell her that I'm sorry for not saying the things I should have said.for making her wait this long.  
  
I knelt, touching the soil of her grave and the rain started to mingle with my tears. There were things that I should have done before, but didn't. There were things that I should have told her when I had the chance.  
  
I regret that I gave away all the chances of telling her how I feel.  
  
If I did, then maybe things would have been different.  
  
But now, all I can do is send my love to heaven.  
  
Authors notes again  
  
They're so stupid!!!!  
  
But please review. 


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